Had my latest haematology blood taken last Friday 11th, results due next 'phone appointment with my consultant on the 22nd so it's slightly scary time again. I'd almost forgotten what that's like.
I think the problem is that before the first relapse you can at some level kid yourself that it's never going to happen, that you're the first ever myeloma patient to remain in remission indefinitely...
But when it comes, as you know rationally that it inevitably will, you can't pretend any more that you're any different from everybody else. Relapse, remission, relapse, remission, relapse, remission... repeat ad lib... death.
Well, years ago we said that each remission gets shorter, each relapse is more difficult to treat, side-effects get worse. That may not be quite as true as it was now we have new treatments with new-fangled bi-specific and even tri-specific monoclonal antibodies, and effective, reliable and cost-effective gene therapies get closer and closer. Slowly.
On the other hand, the dreaded dexamethasone is still hovering in my future...
We shall see. With luck the PPs will be back down to undetectable and the remission will continue, the evil day will be pushed a bit further back. But it's still a tense, nervous and twitchy time waiting for the 22nd.